Letters to Noin
by Gerald Tarrant and Quicksilver
Summary: A series of letters written to Lucrezia Noin: set after Act 6 of Sainan no Kekka. How do the other characters view her? Une and Zechs up so far- Dorothy and Sally coming eventually.
1. Une

_Gundam Wing is property of Sotsu Agency, Bandai Studios, and TV Asahi. Sainan no Kekka and all original characters and plot copyright 2000 by Quicksilver and Gerald Tarrant. Please ask permission before reposting._

  
**SHIN KIDOU SENKI GUNDAM WING**

SAINAN NO KEKKA  
Letter to Noin: Une

Noin:

I remember the time I hit you.

I had just destroyed a colony, forced the pilot of 01 to self-destruct with his gundam, and, in the process, given ample that the soldiers were right to call me "the psycho bitch from hell". You had protested me using the colony as a bargaining chip, but at the time I was so focused on Treize and his vision that I… well, I was definitely the "the ends justify the means" poster girl.

Your eyes burned with the fire of the righteous as you told me that Treize said that I had to "be more elegant."

Elegant? Me? Elegance had no place in war, or so I believed. But Treize lived to prove me wrong, and you were the example he often held up to me. Elegance; the refinement of grace and beauty. And I hated you for it. 

I was so very, very jealous. How was it possible that you were able to do everything so well, earn the admiration of those beneath you, and still be elegant in everything? You seemed to understand Treize so much better then I did- though it took a while for me to admit it. I was the one who lovd him, and yet I could not understand him.

I hated you for that.

It was a while before I began to understand that my hatred was misplaced. I couldn't hate you for having the qualities I so desperately wanted; I might as well have hated the rain for being wet, or the sky for being blue. It was when I saw you hold true to your beliefs, ignoring the pain it caused you to do so, that I began to respect you.

One of the things that saddens me most about your death is the fact that I'll never get to really know you. We were on the road to friendship… I have so few real friends, and I think you would have been one of those few able to understand me. You knew through painful exprienc what it was lik to have an all-consuming love for a man who beyond your reach. 

Now all I can do is strive to move forward, keeping your memory in mind as a beacon to where I should go. I will take the rest of the world to a peace you longed for. Some people may not like it, but it's time. Humanity is evolving, and you proved that to me. You, a loyal soldier whose gentleness was a mirror to my ruthless pursuit of my goals. You showed me the dark parts of my soul.

You and I, we're so alike. Both shadows of men who were larger then life, both the other half of men who are blazing lights in this cold, barren world we call home.

My Treize is gone. His death has freed me from the spell he inadvertently cast upon me, a spell that I did not regret. I still don't. I would give anything to have him back, but I know that's not possible. It took me a while to fully accept that, but Treize is gone.

Treize is gone.

You are gone.

It's the ultimate irony. For so long you had believed Zechs dead, only to rediscover him in time to die. I hate to think of his mourning- Zechs always did take things to extreme, and there's no telling how he will react. Part of it frightens me- Zechs has always been volatile, but he relied on you to steady him. It was your love that made him the man he is today, and without it… as I said, I'm afraid of the consequences.

Will he go insane, I wonder? What will he do? The last time he lost track of himself he ended up in charge of White Fang and nearly destroyed Earth! He never does anything by half-measures, and without you… he needs you to steady him, as I needed Treize for so very long.

It's time, though. No matter what we do, we cannot change the past- no matter what we may wish for. I wish for many things, but as they say, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

Don't worry, Noin. I'll keep an eye on Zechs since you're not here to do it anymore. Just give Treize a kiss for me and let him know that someday I will once again be by his side, and on that day, I hope he will be proud of me.

Une 

Back to Sainan no Kekka 


	2. Milliard

_Gundam Wing is property of Sotsu Agency, Bandai Studios, and TV Asahi. Sainan no Kekka and all original characters and plot copyright 2000 by Quicksilver and Gerald Tarrant. Please ask permission before reposting._

  
**SHIN KIDOU SENKI GUNDAM WING**

SAINAN NO KEKKA  
Letter to Noin: Milliard

Noin

I don't know what to say. I don't know what I can say. Do dead ears hear? Do dead eyes gaze upon the world still after their mortal bodies have long faded away?

I could weep for you, you know. I have. I've shed more tears in the last few hours than I have since I can remember, since the Cinq Kingdom was burned to the ground such a long, long time ago. I was…I am…

I've never called you by your first name. I know you didn't like being called by that name, that the reason you went by your last name is that you despised your birth name. And I respected your wishes, but there were times I'd wonder what it would be like to speak that name from my own lips and see me reflected in your eyes. To know that it was for you alone.

I'll say it now. Lucrezia. Lucrezia Noin, cadet, commander, acquaintance, teammate, friend.

Looking at that list, it seems incomplete. Something is missing there…something that could have been but never was, something that I was too much of a coward to have ever initiated. And you knew that. How could you? How could you?

I don't deserve you.

Remember that day we went flying on the last day of classes, and the sky was so blue and the sun was so golden, and we swore that after everything was all over, we'd come back to that very same spot and fly that route all over again, but this time in real mobile suits, blazing through the atmosphere and up through the clouds, into space like shooting stars? We swore that no matter what happened, we would come back. 

We were so young then, don't you think?

I'm rambling. I still don't know what to say. I…

Why do people die?

I'll throw this letter into the fire. Do you know why? People say that way, the letter reaches its destination. Out of sight, it rises up to heaven in the smoke of the flames.

But what if I don't want it to go to heaven? What if you see it? I don't want you to. I don't want you to see what I've become. I'm not fit a man for you, Lucrezia. I'm a shadow, a fleeting form, an echo of mad laughter upon a ghostly wind swirling through the graveyard of my dreams.

That was poetic. I'm sure you agree. Or maybe not. You always told me exactly what you thought. Maybe you'll say that I am mad, and that I should end this miserable existence before I degenerate further into my own living hell. Or maybe you'll say that I'm wrong. That I should forget about you.

How do I forget about you? How do I forget about…myself?

You can't be dead. I won't let you be. Oh God, please don't be dead. Any moment now you'll be here at my shoulder, scolding me or telling me I should get some rest, or just smiling like you used to. I remember your smile. It was beautiful.

You were beautiful.

You're not dead. Noin. Lucrezia. I can call you that now because you're dead and you won't care what I call you. I don't care. Nothing matters anymore, because if you're dead then the world rewinds upon itself, an empty shell of monochrome and the keening cry of nothing. I sound so poetic, don't you think? They say that it is the mark of a madman. Do you think I'm a madman? I don't think so. Do you? Do you? Damn you, answer me!

Answer…please answer. I can't bear to be alone…any longer. 

Back to Sainan no Kekka 


End file.
